Kevin.....missing ya babe

V formation

Last night started with a bottle of wine
2002 Pinot Noir to be exact

Out side we sat and drank
listening to life pass us by

Over head, a flock of geese traveled to their new home

With an embrace and kiss personal history was written

Soon like the geese I will fly home
but for now, on a porch with a bottle of wine
I find home with you.

Guru

Guru-

Gee, U, R, U --- basically what it means. You are who you are looking for, the answer is in you. Well why then do you need a teacher if its already in you to begin with? Because you are ignorant. No joke. If you (us, we I.......whatever pronoun you wish to use) were already enlightened then you would not be seeking truth but be content in your life. Yet this is not the case, I am (we are, they are.....) seeking truth which will allow me (us) to be be a more compassionate person.

Recently I have fount a new Guru in a 15 year old girl. At first sight she would hardly be considered a holy being, she eats meat, laughs at ugly people and has become an expert at rolling her eyes when you ask her a simple question. It is in her blunt nature which challenges me to show compassion. I choose not to react to her callus comments, and discontent for my general yet respond with kindness to her reactions.

As I mentioned a Guru shows you that G, U, R, U, so in a very real way I am really witnessing a side of myself. I could pretend it did not exist, yet that would not serve me in my quest for liberation . So all I can really do is smile, breath and make a choice to respond than react. I can only show her the compassion and that I wish some one had show me when I was her age. My efforts are in vain and she will call me 'weird' as she usually does --- yet I find refuge in the Buddhist teaching that "a student can become enlightened even if the teacher is not."

Guess I shall go do the spiritual practice and ask her if she wants to watch Mean Girls......

Ciao Bella

Written in Stone

I was raised a Catholic, but that's where it ends. I used to feel a little bit of reverence when talking about my past remembrance of church and God........that has been replaced by a deep shame. A church that would try to cover up molestation is unforgivable. Or is that the lesson? To me that is a corner stone of the Christian faith, forgiveness. Was it not Jesus who broke bread with the drunks? Was it not he who washed the feet of the untouchables? Forgiveness and charity were the defining actions of his ministry, is it too much to ask that we show these same qualities to the church? Forgive and forget......surly we were all taught that. Yet were does forgetting end and severing ties that is done out of self protection OK. Can some one who was abused still be friends with the abuser? Perhaps, yet common sense would advice against kissing the had that struck you.

What is even more disheartening is the Churches deft ear they turn to the followers. Its sad that they have forgotten that Jesus ministry was not stagnant, or set in stone. The power of his ministry were actions of compassion. In short he walked the walk and hardly talked the talk. Yet what I have observed is the Church is still stuck in the morals and values of the past.

One point that highlights my rage is view point on birth control. Did you know that the Church only puts its gold star of approval on was Natural Family Planning? As a nurse I wont even get into that..........granted it is a very natural method yet it does not take in count to the countless women who have irregular menstrual cycles and you must be married to participate it........unless of course you trust your boyfriend to not give you an STD. Also I think it is so limiting that the Church is against sex out side of marriage. Think about how much you have learned about yourself through your adult sexual relationships....I like to think of theme as "warm up's" for marriage. Yet that is why I am a heretic.

Another thing is the reverence that churches believers have in the leaders. I understand in looking up to those who have more education to you, or more experience than you -- however I don't know if you should hand over your relationship to God over to someone else. I know my relationship or understanding of God has been deeply enriched through studying and experiencing other religions out side of Christianity.

oh well....enough of this..........



Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home......damm I am still here :O(

Giving out Candy and Ass Kicking....all out of Candy

Giving Out Candy and Ass Kicking.....all out of Candy

Time Magazine recently published an article about Mary Cheney and her unborn child. It was a well written article by James C. Dobson. When I say well written I mean to describe the lack of grammatical errors or spelling mistakes. I doubt it would have any red marks if he turned it in as a high school essay (unlike my own grasp of the written word)

This being said I must blog how the article moved me errr inspired me to write a response.

Dr. Dobson argues that gay parenting has nothing to do with politics, but "what kind of family environment is best for the health and development of children, and by extension, the nation at large." Already he has a faulty argument. How can you claim gay parenting has nothing to do with politics if you feel that it will have negative effect on the children who will grow to become citizens. I imagine Dr. Dobson thinks that a gay family environment holds the seeds of self destruction, which will in turn destroy our nation at large. Obviously he views the family unit as a microcosm for America --- the proud 'melting pot' of of the world. Our we not a country that embraces differences. Perhaps the only differences we pretend to accept are ethnicity.....that's fine as long as you say so - I can play make believe with the best of them.

"Thirty years of social-science evidence indicated that children do best on every measure of well-being wen raised by their married mother and father." I love sentences that simply explain "scientific" research in convent bite size pieces.......My parents cut my meat in bite size pieces ...and here Dr. Dobson is doing the same......I want a sippy cup too please :O)

"The two most loving women in the world cannot provide a daddy for the little boy - anymore than the two most loving men can be complete role models for a little girl." I really hate these kind of arguments that like to state something obvious --- ie the child wont have a father---rather than focusing on what weaknesses that are built into gay relationships why don't we focus in on the strengths? Guess it would not help the argument that gay people are bad and unfit to be parents. Does Dr. Dobson honestly believe that if you are raised by gay parents you have no interaction with the opposite sex?

"Fact remains that gender matters- perhaps nowhere more than in regard to child rearing." Dr. Dobson, who has a PhD in child development, has one keystone in his argument...gender.....that different sexes parent children differently. I hate to remind Dr. Dobson that one of the founding fathers of his field, Erik Erikson, theorizes that it is the knowledge of having trust in your environment that allows an individual to mature and become fully realized. Not the knowledge that you know how to throw a football or paint your nails.

"Isn't there something in our hearts that tells us, intuitively, that children need a mother and father." ------ummmm maybe my heart is broken but no......but then again I am gay.....I don't have a heart...maybe I do...but its not the same as a straight persons heart. Its kind of deformed...liked the Grinche's.

"birth and adoption are the purview of married heterosexual couples" So for the safety and good of children everywhere, all the orphans who are starving in the world cant be adopted by David and Jim. That would confuse the children and tear down the moral fiber of our country....sorry kid, hope the hunger pains are not too bad, but it's for your own good. As the Soup Nazi would say "no soup for you."


"Traditional marriage is God's design for the family ans is rooted in biblical truth." If we look to the bible rather than logic to answer our modern day plights we must investigate other hot topics like slavery, the right to stone a raped woman. Consistency is the key to debating and parenting. I think Dr. Dobson would agree with me. So lets apply the same principals to all gray areas --- not just the ones that let you win the argument :O)

So lets learn from Dr. Dobson's example --- let me paraphrase a 1000 page book and apply it to all situations and walks of life:

From the book of Matthew "'For I was hungry and you gave me food. I was naked and you gave me clothing. I was sick and you took care of me and God replied, "Whatever you did for the least of my brothers... you did it to me."

Wonder now if its okay for gays to adopt, and love children and bring them into a loving family.......wish I knew the answer but I am fag so actually reading the words of scripture burn my eyes.

Tell me lies tell me sweat little lies

Tell me lies tell me sweat little lies
The sad part about working on the holidays as a traveler, is not the lack of family, lack of presents, or lack of Christmas cookies. No, the depressing thing about being a traveling nurse, who works on the holidays, are the sad looks you get form your fellow employees who want to cheer you up by saying the following -

"It must be so depressing being by yourself, all alone, with no one to share the holidays with."

"I wonder what its like not to get any presents."

"Don't you get lonely"

"You mean you have NO family out here."

"I remember when I was single. I was so lonely."

or my favorite --

"My sister is having a party. You can come if you want to. I will adopt you for the day."

This last comment was given to me by a nurse whom I have only seen once during shift change. The story continues -

"No I am serious. The thought of someone spending Christmas alone is so sad. Why don't you come with my family to my sisters. It wont be an inconvenience at all. We can always set another place. Do you like eggnog?

To which I replied

"I am Jewish."

MARRY CHRISTMAS from SAN FRAN :O)

Blue Baby

Blue Baby

Have you ever saved a babies life? How did it happen? Was it a dramatic birth where the infant ingested meocionium or was it a cardiac post-op infant who threw a clot and you just happened to catch it? My first time of saving a baby's life was no where near as dramatic but just as every bit life saving.

It was a sleepy night in the nursery. I had been floated down from the NICU to admit "well babies" into the hospital: the routine consisted of bathing babies and taking pictures for the family...or so I thought. When I arrived to the Mother Baby Unit I was greeted with "Why are you here" and "Why don't they cancel you.....our nursing aid can do your job." But I smiled and asked where I could put my lunch. The first half of the night was very uneventful. I bathed babies and took their pictures. Hardly stimulating for someone who is use to starting dopamine drips and managing high frequency oscillators. But I did my job, smiling, and telling all the parents that their baby was the cutest I had ever seen, when it happened.

A nurse rushed into the nursery with a infant in a bassinet who was totally blue.

"I think there is something wrong with my baby"

In that moment a sense of calm rushed over me when I picked up the baby and placed her under the warmer. The charge nurse rushed in asking me if I needed anything.

For the first time I was the one with the experience that was looked up to in order to call the shots. With a calm voice I started to call out orders. The nurses around me moved to my commands as we worked together to bring the infant back to life. It was a slight rush to say the least.

Soon doctors were called and the patient was transferred to the NICU. This was the day that I knew I was ready to become a practitioner I was ready for added responsibility to my job. I was ready for higher medical theory concerning the care of the medically fragile infant.

Maybe as nurses we do forget the power of our profession. Perhaps we do look for a doctor for answers. But that night, with that blue infant, I knew I was ready to not be just a nurse but a practitioner

Home

HOME

Traveling is amazing. You find out more about yourself then the places you visit, or at least that has been my experience. When I left Atlanta I thought I would never look back. I thought I would find comfort of always being the stranger in a strange city. I would be a nomad. A citizen of the world. But then I cracked. I meet people who made me long for the one thing I did not have. Stability.

When I was with Micheal I learned to warming effect of the term ..home... I loved going back to our place where there was a cooked meal and someone there to share my day with. Sadly that relationship did not work out. Meeting the needs of someone proved to difficult when I did not know my own. So I sent myself on a journey to discover what was really important to me out side of the pressures of a family, a partner, or obligations. I wanted to strike out on my own and see what make up this world we live in.

I discovered that friendships are immeasurable in their importance in my life. I discovered how much I love my job, and how important it is for me to continue my education. And I discovered that I cant wait for the opportunity to come again to find that one guy to build a family with.

If you asked me before I started traveling what the most important thing in life was I would say "fun." But now I realize that building a family around you of love and support truly makes all the craziness that we face in the world seem less important and more tolerable. Some might say that I am experiencing the 'grass is greener syndrome' but they forget that I have experienced both sides. I know the stress and sacrifice required for a intimate partnership. I have been taught the non-judgmental attitude required for a true friendship. I learned the importance of being true to yourself in knowing your own values and strength required to voice them. I can say that this year has been about self exploration and travel. Looking back, I can smile when I think about when I have been. but when I think about my future I have a since of calm. Almost that the universe is telling me that somewhere in this world is a little condo of my own, decorated with Pottery Barn and a guy who's smile can melt my heart to share it with.